Refined by Fire Read online

  Refined by Fire

  by Alana Terry

  Note: The views of the characters in this novel do not necessarily reflect the views of the author, nor is their behavior necessarily condoned.

  The characters in this book are fictional. Any resemblance to real persons is coincidental. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form (electronic, audio, print, film, etc.) without the author’s written consent.

  Copyright © 2019 Alana Terry

  Scriptures quoted from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

  www.alanaterry.com

  CHAPTER 1

  Logan Airport

  Meredith found an empty seat at the gate and sat down with a weary sigh. She still couldn’t believe the past 24-hours had really happened. That after fifteen years of service, of pouring her blood and sweat and tears into her ministry, it had come to such a crashing end.

  Maybe it couldn’t have been helped. She’d seen the handwriting on the wall a few years ago, hadn’t she? But still, she’d founded Living Grace. Who would have thought it would carry on without her? Could it carry on without her?

  Time would certainly tell.

  She watched holiday travelers bustling past her gate, men and women and children off to Christmas dinners and vacations with grandparents. Meredith didn’t have any close family. The ministry had been her family.

  Which made what she’d just gone through akin to divorce.

  No, not divorce. More like watching your child torn away from you, knowing how helpless you were to intervene.

  Maybe she’d feel differently if she’d been asked to resign as a result of some kind of sin issue or scandal. No. The board asked for her resignation and showed her a copy of the press release that would come out Wednesday. Because we feel God has called us to walk down different paths … It made it sound so holy, so righteous.

  Well, some things couldn’t be changed. The last thing Meredith wanted was to become a victim. She’d already decided to allow herself exactly two days of pity. That was all. And then she was moving forward.

  She didn’t have any other choice.

  Just a few more hours until she was back home. Back in her cozy Grand Rapids condo, where she planned to heat herself up some hot chocolate, bury her feet in her favorite slippers, put on some nice, relaxing worship music, and allow herself a good cry. Until then, she planned on holding it all together.

  After all, she had a plane to catch.

  It felt strange sitting here. How many times had she flown in and out of Boston to meet with the Living Grace board? How many days out of the past fifteen years had she spent in the air? Meredith thought back to the prayer she prayed when she was in her twenties, dreaming of a speaking career, ministering to Christian women. Meredith asked God for the chance to preach to women in all fifty states. Well, she had that checked off her bucket list. And quite a few foreign countries too. In the past fifteen years as the director of Living Grace Ministries, she’d spend thousands of days away from home. Weeks away from home.

  Years away from home, if you were to add up their cumulative effect.

  And all for this.

  She didn’t want to get bitter. She didn’t want to be angry. She promised herself not to allow bitterness to take root in her wounded soul. In spite of how betrayed she felt, in spite of the terrible, sinful mistake she knew the board had made, she had to be the bigger one. The mature one. The forgiving one. And maybe once she got home, soaked away her sorrows in a scalding hot bubble bath, she’d feel more gracious. Right now, she had to resist the urge to whip out her phone, log onto social media, and tell the entire world what just happened.

  But she wouldn’t. Before she told everyone she was stepping down from Living Grace — a fancy way of saying she was fired — Meredith had to give herself time to heal. Get over the initial shock of it all. She made a promise to herself not to update her blog or post anything online until things were officially announced. Living Grace wasn’t putting out their press release until next week. Quite gracious of them, Meredith thought. Really living up to their name.

  Come on, Meredith told herself. You’re the bigger woman. You don’t need to get bitter.

  Her stomach growled as passengers scurried by. When was the last time she’d eaten? Usually when she traveled, she wouldn’t think twice before treating herself to something fancy. A mocha that cost five times its worth. A seafood salad at an actual sit-down restaurant if she had a long layover. And why not?

  Why not, indeed?

  And now it was time to pinch pennies again, just like she had in the early days when Living Grace’s headquarters doubled as her studio apartment. She had her salary covered through the end of May. Something told Meredith the board of directors expected her to fall to her knees in gratitude when they mentioned her severance. And sure, it was better than nothing. But even though she wasn’t destitute yet, she couldn’t find the appetite for a twelve-dollar muffin or fifteen-dollar fruit salad. The five dollars she’d just spent on a bottle of water felt like enough splurge for one day.

  Flights were getting canceled left and right, the result of a big snowstorm hitting the western US. It was scheduled to hit Michigan by tomorrow evening, but Meredith planned to be sequestered in her home by then, safe, sound, and warm.

  What would it feel like to wake up tomorrow without several dozen items on her to-do list? Her assistant, Angie, would spend the next few days canceling all Meredith’s upcoming speaking gigs. Apparently Living Grace saw fit to demand her resignation but were magnanimously willing to keep Meredith’s assistant employed. Oh, well. Nobody could blame Angie. Four kids, Christmas right around the corner … Angie needed her job.

  Which was the irony of it all, really. Because this was never a job to Meredith.

  It was her life.

  And she loved every minute of it.

  “Excuse me.”

  Meredith glanced up in surprise at a petite woman with white hair. “Yes?” Meredith’s smile was automatic.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, but I saw you sitting here and just had to come introduce myself.” The old woman reached out a wrinkled hand, which was surprisingly soft and warm when Meredith shook it.

  “My name is Lucy Jean,” the woman said, “but my friends call me Grandma Lucy. And I am such a fan of yours. Our ladies’ Bible study just finished your series on Ruth, and I was so blessed by the words of wisdom and encouragement you had to share.”

  Meredith was used to being recognized out in public. How long would it take for the world to forget she’d ever existed?

  She thanked the old lady, feeling a spark of actual, genuine gratitude. After the discouragement of yesterday’s board meeting, Meredith’s spirit soaked up Grandma Lucy’s kind words like a parched desert floor.

  “Is this your flight?” Grandma Lucy glanced at the sign in the terminal. “You’re on your way to Grand Rapids?”

  Meredith nodded.

  Grandma Lucy squinted at the sign above the check-in counter. “Looks like you have a little time. Can I buy you a cup of tea? My treat.”

  Part of Meredith wanted to decline. By this time next week, Grandma Lucy and all the ladies in her Bible study would know about Living Grace. Would know that Meredith had lost her job, her position, her ministry.

  But Grandma Lucy’s smile was so genuine and sincere. So different than the expressions of her former friends who’d faced her in the board room yesterday. Meredith sighed and grabbed the handle of her carry-on. “You know what?” she said. “I’d love something to drink. Thank you so much for asking.”

  CHAPTER 2

  Flight 2
19, Three hours later

  Meredith stared wide-eyed at the man with the gun in his hand. This couldn’t be happening. She wasn’t even supposed to be on this flight.

  Her ears still rang with the sound of gunfire.

  “Five minutes until another hostage dies,” Bradley snarled over the passenger he just shot.

  Before she grew Living Grace to the point where she could actually draw a salary from her work there, Meredith had made a living for a few years as a Christian counselor. She knew rage when she saw it. She knew instability.

  She knew just how dangerous this man was.

  The fact that they were flying over thirty thousand feet above ground made the experience all the more harrowing. Visions from September 11 flashed through her mind. Those poor passengers. The moment of impact playing over and over again on the news in a never-ending loop.

  Through her work with Living Grace, Meredith had counseled hundreds of women, maybe even thousands, through loss, divorce, grief. Lately, she’d felt particularly burdened for women struggling with anxiety.

  “Remember the Lord is always with you,” she’d tell them. “His word promises that we have nothing to fear.”

  Nothing to fear. Those women probably should have just laughed in her face. Instead, they’d clung to Meredith’s words. Praised her for bringing them such a sense of encouragement and hope. Meredith was a speaker and teacher, a women’s leader. At least, she had been until yesterday.

  It was funny, in a sad and pathetic sort of way, how when she’d boarded this flight — the flight she wasn’t even supposed to be on in the first place — she’d been broken and lost at the prospect of going through life, earning a living while no longer serving as the president of Living Grace. Three hours earlier, it was the most dejected she could remember feeling in years.

  And now what did it matter? What did any of it matter — the board meeting, their decision to demand her resignation, the cowardly, averted gazes of men and women she’d previously considered her closest friends and allies …

  There’s nothing like staring down the barrel of a loaded gun to put things into perspective.

  Meredith didn’t know what was going to happen. Didn’t know if she would be the next hostage shot or if the plane would manage to land without anyone else getting hurt.

  What she did know was that her concerns about her future sounded ludicrous now.

  What did it matter if you lost your job if you’d end up dead the following day anyway?

  If she survived this ordeal, maybe she’d be grateful for the mindset shift it provided.

  If she survived …

  CHAPTER 3

  Logan Airport

  “So, what topic can I tell the ladies in my Bible study to expect from you next?” Grandma Lucy asked as she sat across from Meredith at a noisy café booth.

  Meredith gave Grandma Lucy a slow smile. “I really don’t know what I’ll be working on.” That much was certainly true. Meredith felt guilty, sleazy somehow, since she couldn’t mention the fact she was no longer working or writing for Living Grace. According to the paperwork she signed with Living Grace’s attorney, a woman she herself had hired, Meredith wasn’t allowed to mention her resignation until next week’s press announcement. Still, the omission in her conversation with Grandma Lucy felt cowardly somehow. Like she didn’t have the courage to admit to the truth.

  Grandma Lucy gave her hand a squeeze. “Well, the Lord is sure to guide you, isn’t he? But let me ask you something.” Grandma Lucy reached into her back pocket and pulled out a small-sized New Testament. “This came up in our discussion of Ruth.” Grandma Lucy flipped through the pages. “You said that in First John, the Bible tells us that …”

  Grandma’s Lucy’s words were interrupted by a buzz from Meredith’s cell. Was it the board calling to say they’d changed their mind? Of course it wasn’t. But still, Meredith’s heart raced ahead until she pulled out her phone and read the text.

  “What is it?” Grandma Lucy asked, glancing up from her Scripture. “Is everything all right?”

  Meredith put her phone back in her purse. “Yes. My flight’s been delayed. That’s all.”

  “It’s that snowstorm, isn’t it?” Grandma Lucy shook her head slowly. “You know, I woke up this morning with a feeling, a premonition if you will, that something about today’s flight wouldn’t go exactly as planned. So I said, okay, Lord, if that’s how you want it to be, that’s how it’s going to be, and that’s the most I spent worrying about it. Then my niece back home called to tell me how bad the weather is. Guess the schools have already announced they’ll be closed tomorrow. Don’t want to take any chances. A lot of the flights are being delayed. So I just told God that if he doesn’t want me on my scheduled flight, I’m fine taking any flight he feels like putting me on. I figure, what’s the worst that can happen? The flight attendants sit me next to someone who needs to hear about Jesus, right?”

  Meredith tried to return the old woman’s chuckle. Tried to keep her brain engaged in the somewhat meandering conversational turn.

  “I should probably head back toward my gate soon,” she muttered, half distracted. “I want to be close in case they make any announcements.”

  “Of course, dear.” Grandma Lucy’s smile warmed Meredith’s aching heart. Grandma Lucy reached out and grabbed her hand. “You truly have a gift and an anointing, and I’m blessed that I got the chance to meet you in person. Here. let me take a picture. My niece is a big fan of yours, too. She’ll be tickled pink to find out we had a cup of tea together.”

  Meredith smiled for the selfie as Grandma Lucy wrapped her up in a strong embrace. “May God bless you and keep you and preserve your spirit until the day of Christ,” the old woman whispered into Meredith’s ear.

  Meredith felt awkward returning such an intimate blessing and instead gave the old woman one last little hug before saying goodbye. As she made her way toward her gate, she wondered what Grandma Lucy would think when she heard the news that Meredith had been fired. She couldn’t dwell on that now, though. She had to get to her gate. Everything was changing all around her. Her life, her future, her ministry. It made sense that even her flight itinerary would get rearranged.

  She walked up to the ticket booth. “I just got a text that the flight’s been delayed,” she said. “Is there any word on when it’s going to be rescheduled?”

  The man behind the counter shook his head, barely looking up from his computer screen. “Have a seat, and we’ll be making announcements as soon as we know anything.”

  As soon as we know anything. May as well be the name of this chapter in Meredith’s autobiography.

  She found a quiet seat near the window. Outside, the Boston sky appeared perfectly clear. Hard to imagine from this vantage point the massive storm front moving across half of the country. She’d hoped to get back home to Grand Rapids in time to buy a few groceries and lock herself in for the next couple days, nursing her wounds in peace and privacy. Now she wasn’t so sure about her plan.

  Meredith let out her breath and loosened the strap of her heels. She was no longer the president of Living Grace, so maybe she wouldn’t feel the need to get so dressed up whenever she traveled anywhere. The next flight she took, she could show up in a jogging suit and tennis shoes. Maybe even throw her slippers into her carry-on if she wanted to make herself extra cozy.

  Inside her briefcase was a half-edited manuscript that she was supposed to turn into her publisher in two weeks. When she told her agent yesterday what had happened with Living Grace and asked if she should still focus on polishing up her project, the response she received was far from hopeful.

  “Well, you could always get it edited just in case …”

  Meredith pulled out her manuscript, her sixth full-length book, not counting the dozens of Bible studies and workbooks she’d created in the past. This manuscript had been one of the hardest for her to write. When she felt God telling her to focus on this particula
r topic, she’d fought him for months. Cried, begged, worked herself into such a state she’d caught the flu and had to stay in bed for a full week.

  And then she did what she told all her readers and all her Bible study participants and conference attendees and podcast listeners to do. She yielded her will to the Holy Spirit, embraced the work God had laid on her heart, and submitted to his calling. She wrote sixty thousand words even though she could have sworn every sentence would kill her.

  When she gave her manuscript to her assistant to clean up, Angie told her it was the most powerfully moving writing she’d ever read. And dangerous too.

  “You know some people aren’t going to like this,” Angie warned her.

  Meredith knew. But it certainly wouldn’t be the first time her words had gotten Meredith in trouble. Just last year, she’d come under fire for a blog post she’d written urging pastors to stop guilting Christian wives to remain in dangerous and abusive situations. Based on the reactions of evangelical leaders, you might have thought Meredith was advocating cannibalism.

  Did she feel ready to broach another controversial topic, especially one as explosive and personally traumatic as sexual abuse within the church? No. But Meredith had been talking on her podcast and to her audience for the past year about authenticity, and she’d finally found the courage to take her own advice and talk about her deepest shame.

  Her agent was hesitant at first. Said he wasn’t sure the Christian community was ready to discuss this degree of sexual assault in such a candid manner. Would Meredith consider writing another women’s Bible study instead?

  But Meredith had insisted. And because her agent knew there were a dozen or more of his colleagues in the Christian market who’d line up to start bidding on her manuscript if he was stupid enough to reject it, he signed her on. “We may have to tone some parts down,” he warned her, but she knew that in the end she’d have the final say. She was Meredith Crowley. Bible study leader, bestselling author, number one podcaster in both the Christian women and Christian living categories.